My life on paper

I'm always kind of amused when I stop for a moment and evaluate my accomplishments, or when someone says that they envy me. 

As you may have picked up from my other blogs, I'm a bit self critical.  Then again, I don't think that I'm alone in this.  From what I've noticed, I'm perfectly normal in that trait, unfortunately.  There are very few people I know (and maybe that is just the company I keep) that are not harder on themselves than they would be on anyone else, or that anyone else is on them. 

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So when I think of myself, I see the geeky young girl who was kind of shy and a bit of an outsider, whose favourite place was the library on a saturday morning when they would read children's stories. I never really knew what I wanted to do, and I didn't really enjoy school, never getting 'A's or 'B's until I did my Psychology degree. 

I have never really left that girl behind, although I'm pretty good at faking social ease when I have to (See my Socialising blog for more on that).  So, when I see myself as an adult, I often struggle to realise that I'm no longer unsure of what I want to do (or who I am, for that matter) and that I am moving towards my goals at a rather scary speed.

I am always amazed when I hear people confess that they envy my life or my achievements because the reality is that I live a far from glamorous life... in the mornings I do housework and write (sometimes), in the afternoons I play with my son and coach.  At night I find time to connect properly with my husband between cooking, cleaning and preparing for Josh's school the next day.

Yes, I absolutely do love my life.  I am thrilled to pieces when I have an article published in a magazine (to the extent that I want to pull the magazine open at every shop I find it, and point to my picture, and go "That's ME!"), and I am ecstatic that, after 4 years, I am pursuing the career that I've always wanted - i.e. helping people to realise their dreams. 



The reality is that it is difficult, because the growth of my practice is slow, and I am impatient.  The writing is also lonely work, and I often have to dig deep to get the motivation to continue in the hopes that there will be people out there who will be inspired by what I write. 



Image: Graur Razvan Ionut





So, when I am feeling a bit stuck, I will list in my head the things that I HAVE achieved, and I realise that at the time I didn't always think I would make it, but I did it anyway.  I am not better than you.  If I can achieve my goals, or at least get pretty close, then so can you.  It's not so scary once you actually start doing it. 

I often think of this quote by Mary Anne Radmacher "Courage doesn't always roar.Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow."