My favourite coach blogger, Tim Brownson (A Daring Adventure) posed the challenge to get rid of your "To-Do" list and create instead a "Love To Do" List (as a way of reframing the stuff you are busy with).

image: Nuttakit (FreeDigitalPhoto.net)

I love the idea of a love to do list, and I’m going to implement that idea as part of my journaling. As for scrapping the to do list, ooooohhh.. I couldn’t… I LOVE my to do list. In fact,when I’m feeling unproductive, I simply add to the list the things I’ve done, and tick them off so I can feel better with the visual result. E.g. brushed my teeth; made sure my son did not damage himself too badly today; Answered the phone.. you get the drift.


The best thing about writing a list is that, for me, it is like transferring it from my head to a physical piece of paper.. as though writing it down is already halfway there. Just so long as it doesn’t get above itself and start to get the impression it’s the boss of me..

So maybe lists are a little like goals - they can be great tools for getting things done, so long as they don't rule you, or stop you from actually getting on with things, or let you take yourself too seriously.

Welcome 2011

Image:  Nuttakit

31 December seems to go hand in hand with pressure to finish off the outstanding niggling tasks, clean the house, better yourself, and do everything that we "should" be doing.

I decided a while ago that I wouldn't make new year's resolutions, because if I really want to do it, I would rather just start now, but this year is slightly different - mainly because I have been toying with the concept for a little while, and because I believe that it is a necessary step to getting closer to my ultimate goals.

So, in the spirit of the season, I've cleaned the house, organised the paperwork, changed the linen and planted some seeds in the garden. Having a 2-year old pretty much nixes my party plans for the evening, which is just fine - I don't like travelling on New Year's Eve. I have a bottle of champagne to share with my husband later and my new year's resolution is (*drum roll please*) to step out of my comfort zone.

I intend to stretch my comfort levels this year and just put myself out there. I don't really mind about the outcomes, so long as I practice being in situations that are going to encourage growth.
So, whether you are a believer in NY Resolutions, or prefer not to commit yourself to a resolution, I wish you a fantastic 2011.. with love, laughter, fabulous people, and enough growth opportunities to keep you stimulated and engaged!

Quoting Oprah Winfrey: ‎"Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right."

Happy 2011!

Off the comfort couch

I haven't written in a while.  I have a tendency to focus on one thing at a time (if I can help it), and I have made a commitment to stepping out of my comfort zone.  This week I have been asking for discounts.  I've been particularly cheeky about it, too.  Personally, I have never liked asking for discounts.  Come to think of it, asking for anything makes me squirm. 

Image: Xedos4

That said, I am asking for discounts in a non-apologetic, nice way.  And surprise, surprise, I'm GETTING them!  It's a wonderful learning - firstly that people are accommodating and helpful by nature, and that they want to have a pleasant encounter; secondly, the way that I put things out there greatly affects what I get back. 

I quite like it - it is a way of reaching out to other people and benefitting.. I don't mind if I don't get a discount, I'm just feeling pleased that I've asked.. the actual discount feels a little like a bonus!

I am keen to hear about other suggestions for stepping out of my comfort zone.  So far, the experience has been a great one!

Bite Sized

I am going to share a case study with you.  Before you think that I'm breaching my very strict ethical code, I'll let you know who the case study is.. it's me. 

It is so easy to assume that life coaches have all their ducks in a row, and that the solutions come naturally (I'm hoping they do after time, because life would certainly be a lot easier), so I'll share my process with you in the hopes that you realise that when you are stuck in a problem, there is usually a solution, and that you are more often than not equipped with the answer.. it's just a matter of realising this for yourself, which life coaching can help you do.

The goal: I've been wanting to lose weight for a long time, and have struggled for a whole bunch of things related to my miscarriages and stress, etc.  After about 5 years of gaining weight between pregnancies, I found myself about 20kgs overweight. 

When I would think about dieting, it seemed like such a huge amount of weight to lose, and like I'll never get it done, and so I would give up before I even started.  There were also lots of challenges to prevent me from even starting, like time (I was busy starting up a business and looking after my toddler), health (I was identifying with my symptoms for a while - being a "miscarrier" and "insulin resistant" kind of defined me) and emotions (I was overwhelmed by the amount of weight, and punishing myself for having got to this stage, and not valuing myself enough to prioritise exercise, etc). 

It was recently - just after my 9th miscarriage that I decided that I've had enough of not being the person I was supposed to be in all areas, not just mentally!  So I am applying my coaching learnings to my situation. 

I've reflected on the challenges, and the payoffs, and the value and reasons for my wanting to achieve my goal (positive reasons, not based on negativity).  I have broken down the goal into bite sized chunks, so that I could aim for something acheivable, knowing that I am more likely to stick with a big goal if I can see some measurable progress along the way and reward myself for the smaller goals.. I started off with a pedicure, to get myself feeling good even before I've begun so that I can practice making time for myself (housework be damned) and it gives me the kick start to achieving my goals.  I am 3kgs lighter now, and I realised that this is already over 10% of the weight that I need to lose - in a really short space of time. 

Now that I'm kind of hitting the plateau, I'm rewarding myself for keeping up the effort, by buying a few items that I can take in when I've lost weight, but that fit me beautifully right now.  It helps keep me feeling good as I lose cm's rather than kg's. 
This all sounds simple enough and I am wondering what is different from the other times I've given up after a week or two?   The main difference for me is that I have given myself an A+ - rather than waiting to lose the weight before I feel good about myself, I've begun feeling good about myself for the effort, rather than the achievement - this is in line with the belief that there is no failure - there are learning opportunities (or, as a friend calls them, AFGO's - Another (erm) Freaking Growth Opportunity). 

I am excited about achieving my goal because I am doing it for the right reasons - I want to look congruent with how I feel about myself. I am not trying to lose weight because I don't feel good about myself right now - I just want to have more fun doing physical things like playing with my son and feeling full of beans.  Shedding kilo's will make that easier for me. 

So, as I up my game to get over this plateau, I am enjoying the feeling that comes with dancing around in a gym class (I'm loving Nia at the moment - our teacher, Andrea Cibrario makes us do things like "ninja fly" and "jazz steps", which keeps me distracted from the burn).  I'm enjoying that I'm no longer making things that are not as important a priority.  Watch this space...

The Neighbourhood

I took a slightly different route this morning to get to Truth.Coffeecult to do my blogging (writing is apparently easier when you have a lovely coffee in hand).  I took the time to look around and take in the new places that have seemingly popped up overnight.  What I realised is that the neighbourhood is really very different from what I remember.  I have no idea of what treasure troves are around the corners and down the little side streets, but from what I saw, getting to know these new shops will be great fun (if not slightly alarming to the credit card). 

After making this wonderful discovery, I got to thinking that we are like that too, in a way.  We think we know ourselves and our limits and our resources (or other people, for that matter), and we stop paying attention and checking in regularly.  While we're focused elsewhere, we are continually growing, changing and adapting.. whether consciously or not, and before we realise, we have lost touch with the gems that are just down the side street and around the corner of our brain, and we continue believing things about ourselves that were out of date since lime green and purple was a popular fashion trend.

So, just as I would recommend having a good stroll around the neighbourhood and taking a different route so that you are aware of the things around you, and open to the novelty of your environment, I think it is an excellent practice to check in with yourself regularly and not assume that you know yourself, just because you've been living with you for your entire life.. 

Examine your assumptions, check in to see how you are feeling or responding in situations - challenge yourself to see how strong you have become.. Just like the wonderful vintage shops that I have discovered, there are brilliant little gems that you've picked up along the journey that you don't even know about yet! 

Keyboard of Life

 I had a little moment the other day.. I swear I was totally sober at the time.  I started looking at my keyboard and came up with a metaphor for life.  I thought it was novel and possibly interesting enough to share it with you guys. 

Keyboards are made of lots of letters and numbers.  They respond to our input, and can make up any multitude of ideas, concepts, communications, etc - both negative or positive.  The keys (like our environment) are an instrument of our input, and the result is a direct reflection of our mind at the moment of creation.  Our world (as we see it) is a direct reflection of our mindspace - so when you are happy, all the birds are singing, people smile at you, and when you are miserable, those fluffy white cottonwool clouds turn grey and ominous, and the bluebirds of happiness are sitting in those trees looking as though they want your eyeballs for breakfast. 

I then looked at the side keys.. things that are important to us in many ways - Space, fn, direction, ctrl, esc, home.  It is really difficult to create anything meaningful without these.  (I drew a bit of a blank with page up, down, tab and caps lock, and then realised that even the arb characters in our life can be useful in their place). 

Then we have something that is really useful to identify the important things in our life (or communications) - the Shift key.  We can use it to prioritise things - like Important Places, TONE OF VOICE, even reveal things that we don't think are important.  Shift to me would be a great name for a coaching practice.. because we try to effect paradigm shifts, shifts in consciousness, shift in our way of being, capitalise something that was previously unnoticed. 

So, at your very fingertips is the universe - you can create what you want, delete what you don't, put your thoughts out there, or keep them to yourself.  You can reach out and touch someone, or wage a war with words.  It's really not so different from 'real life' after all, is it?

END (for this post, anyway)

The culture of competition

As I watch my son grow up and develop, I am constantly amazed at how much he learns from one day to the next.  I know theoretically about the learning curve at this age (he's 20 months now), but to see it in real life is totally humbling.  I put him in creche when he was 14  months, and was mortified when he was put into the 'nest' with the babies because he couldn't yet walk.  It's not that he COULDN'T walk,  it's really that he didn't want to walk on his own.  He would only walk when he held someone's hand.. it was a confidence thing more than anything else.  Still, it was my first realisation that he might not be the absolute best at everything (okay, really, the realisation wasn't about Joshua, who is perfect in every way.. it was more about me not being the best at everything, because I would have taught him to walk if I knew how to teach him a bit better). 

Image: Paul Martin Eldridge

(Cue the dramatic music)... Enter the first realisation of a nasty little emotion that I had, up till now, been able to deny quite effectively.. I'm competitive.  Yes, my friends will read this and laugh, thinking - "you only realised this now?" but, in my defense, I can justify quite well. :)

This is a difficult thing for me to reconcile, because I believe that competitiveness is an undesirable trait of our culture.  I don't believe it is a natural thing for people to be competitive, because ultimately it generates 99 losers for every 100 people, and as social beings, we would get much further working together than antagonistically.

Competition dictates that if you are not first place, your efforts are not worthwhile.  Even if first place got 85 and you got 84.5, that 84.5 in a competition suddenly went from a triumph to a "so close", all because someone else did better.   It's a thought process that dictates: I can only win if I make others losers.  Where is the logic in that??

Competition is the antithesis of abundance and, in my opinion, a major factor in our lack of self esteem as a society.  The problem is that when people are led to believe that they're less than the fantastic uniquely wonderful beings that we are, we either don't realise our potential, or we hide our light, or try to bring down others so that we have company in our imagined mediocrity (mediocrity loves company even more than misery..)

I read somewhere:  If you want to be incrementally better: Be competitive. If you want to be exponentially better: Be cooperative.

I invite you to join me in finding ways to be cooperative to achieve our goals. I would love to know what you are achieving by working with others!