Social Platforms

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I have heard it said that social platforms create a false sense of connection, and honestly, I believed that.  In my experience it is easy to include people on FB that you wouldn't usually call, and it has a certain security about it, in that you can 'unfriend' someone without their even being aware of it!  I believed that it was a cheap substitute for a real relationship. 

That said, I am having to eat my words a little.  A week or two ago, I 'met' this guy on facebook, Adin van Ryneveld (aka the "no money guy" - check out his blog here).  Here is someone who is kind of changing the system.  Rather than moving from real-life friends to the kind where you know what is going on in their lives via status updates, he is not only making new friends and real connections from the internet, but also putting his (no) money where is mouth is:   He is relying on the online 'tribe' to meet his day to day needs and giving his money away!   


I have often felt kind of isolated and, not having the energy or time to go out clubbing with my friends (I have a toddler at home), I usually rely on phone conversations and the odd group gathering to provide the one-on-one fix.  Adin's 5 year project got me thinking about how connected we really are.. even through online encounters - the level of involvement is up to you, and nothing connects a person like being asked for help that you are able and happy to provide.


So my practice this week is going to be connecting more authentically with the people I know online, and actually helping where I can.. putting it out there genuinely, and following through.   I'll let you know how it goes!

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Perfection

I am a perfectionist.  I really didn't believe that at first, because I didn't meet all the criteria.  Very ironic, I know.  Anyway, I've thought long and hard about perfectionism, and decided that it is a myth.  Perfectionism is just the voice inside telling me that I am not good enough, or my efforts are not good enough. 

I read a wonderful quote by Vincent Van Gogh - "If you hear a voice within you that says 'you cannot paint', then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced".   Here's what I have to say to myself, and those around me who are fellow perfecitonists (ok, that was a test - if you spotted the spelling error, read on). 

You are good enough
The thing with perfectionism is that it holds us back from truly participating in things, as we want to do everything properly.  If you live by the credo "if something is worth doing, it is worth doing properly", that's cool, but 'properly' for a perfectionist is usually translated into 'perfectly', which means that things must be right, and if you are not right, you're not worthy.  This is a lie.  You are wonderful just as you are.  It's about being, not doing.  You would be worthy as a human being whether you contributed in any meaningful way or not just because your perspective is unique, and therefore valuable. 

I'm not advocating that people stop striving to do things well.  Rather, I invite you to do things well out of joy, letting go of the fear that people will see you in a negative light if you fail, or if you do something less than perfectly.  The challenge here is to participate, not to conquer.

Letting go
Put yourself out there with your flaws - you will grow from doing things, not doing things correctly.  We learn and grow from our challenges and mistakes, not from being fearful of failure.  It's interesting to analyse where the perfectionist root comes from.  Why do we need to do things well?  If you can let go of the usual answers and justifications about why something out of place is so upsetting, then you will be closer to the truth, and closer to being able to let perfectionism go.

Treating yourself with kindness
If your best friend were critical of her efforts, what would you say to him/her?  It is a good thing to treat yourself as your best friend - with love, honesty and kindness.  When you start to recognise that voice inside you telling you that you cannot paint, silence it by acknowledging it is there, recognising it as a liar, and simply start doing what it tells you is impossible. 


"How Fascinating"
One of my favourite books is by Rosamund and Ben Zander - The Art of Possibility.  They have a wonderful way of reacting to things that we might view as mistakes - "How Fascinating!".  A mistake is not a bad thing unless you don't learn anything and let it steal your sense of humour. 


So I invite you to join me in letting go of the perfectionism, treat ourselves as we would our best friend, and just put yourself out there in experiencing the world - things might not always go to plan, and that is the moment when the most fascinating stories can unfold!

Getting started

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It can be really intimidating starting a new project.  In fact, any change can be a little overwhelming, even when it is a positive thing. 
I changed careers at 34, to become a life coach.  I left a good job at an awesome company in order to follow my dreams.  It was incredibly scary and also the best move I've ever made. 

I'm sharing with you the processes that we all usually go through, and what I have found works for me!


In the beginning..
Robert J McKain said - "Getting momentum going is the most difficult part of the job, and often taking the first step is enough to prompt you to make the best of your day". A really useful piece of advice would be to gain momentum in the right direction! There's no point going full steam ahead on the tasks that aren't going to get you anywhere. So - before you get going, write down what you want to achieve.

Procrastination
People put off things when they are overwhelmed or not sure what to expect.  It helps to prepare yourself beforehand (like gathering info you might need, or getting the tools together) and commit to making small amounts of progress regularly, especially if it is a mammoth task.  Once you have begun, it is much easier to continue making progress - it takes far more effort to get the wheel moving than to keep it rolling.  So, break the task down into little 15 minute chunks, and do one thing at a time.

Distractions
Life is full of tedious and wonderful distractions.  The trick is to know when you're using your time well, and when you are being sidetracked from what you have set out to do.  You don't need to fight the interruptions or ignore all telephone calls - just commit to returning to the task at hand.  If you are find your attention is totally lost once you break focus, then take note of the new task, and return to what you were doing.
This is when the 15 minute tasks are helpful (if you are really hyperactive/busy, then break your mountains of work into 5 minute chunks so that you can come back to it between other things).  Soon, you will have made at least some progress, which is hugely motivating, and usually inspires more progress!

Just do it
Go on, there's nothing to stop your desk and mind from being cleared.. you have everything you need to just do it!


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